To Speak or not to Speak: A Wedding Question
July 24, 2011
Raise a Glass, Break a Glass; Canopy Customs
August 3, 2011

This week Bat Mitzvah Mom, Alissa, is our guest blogger.

A mother and a daughter’s idea of a Bat Mitzvah seems to be two different things.  Huh?  At least in my family it is!  You see I’m a Jewish mom who used to teach 6th grade Hebrew school for goodness sake.  For years I taught with the aim to inspire Bnei Mitzvah to continue their Jewish heritage and to be proud of their religion at the time of their coming of age.  The truth is, I am not so anti-the-ceremony as I am anti the big party.




We are Reform Jews in Los Angeles, so a Bat-Mitzvah is totally ordinary in our community.  All girls read from the Torah and give a speech the exact same as a boy of the age of 13.  All of my daughter’s friends are having a bat/bar mitzvah, and the friends are helping one another celebrate by first attending the ceremony and after the party.  Now, I am ready to sit up on the bima and smile and brag about my daughter’s love, I mean LOVE of Judaism!  I am ready to write a speech about her life and read it to the congregation.  But then, the celebration……..  I get squeamish even thinking about it.

My real plan was to go to Israel for three glorious weeks in the winter.  To have a small celebration there with the Israeli side of the family, and do a little dinner there, a little dancing, we’ll be at last with the family for an extended period of time and of course not for pure happy-celebrations.  However, my daughter says, “NO!” She prefers a party for the friends and family.  I am in a real dilemma, and can’t wrap my head around the idea of entertaining for five hours instead of spending three weeks abroad.

Judaica from

Bat Mitzvah Judaica from

With my inner-issues of not wanting to celebrate with others, I am a little resentful of the whole idea now.  I do not particularly like spending money on other people, just to hear them say, “the music was too loud… the food was tasteless… the decorations were boring.”  I wonder if all parents feel this way?  I doubt it, since many mothers speak highly of the entire planning process.  I have yet to hear anyone say they don’t want to plan and entertain others.  I think I am the only one, the grinch who stole the Bat Mitzvah?

The grinch who stole the Bat Mitzvah

The grinch who stole the Bat Mitzvah


Alissa, co-owner of Alef Bet Jewelry, designs and manufactures jewelry in Los Angeles, CA .  Run by Paula, mother of 3, grandma of 5, and Alissa, mother of 3.   Inspired long ago by the Hebrew alphabet, Alef Bet Jewelry first designed Hebrew letter beads.  We named ourselves after the beads, but people kept on asking us, “what else do you have?”  That is how the business developed…a need for modern Judaic jewelry.  More than 15 years later, Alef Bet Jewelry designs and manufactures hamsas, evil eye pendants, religious sayings, red string bendel bracelets, and of course, a Jewish Star.



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