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Fashion week, judgement and Bat Mitzvah speeches

September 20, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment


 

If this Bat Mitzvah speech makes you see red – and I am not referring to the color of “Hannah”‘s hair – you can take a few breaths and calm down – this is not a real Bat Mitzvah speech practice – it is a parody!  It is actually a comic piece by writer Bob Morris, a style writer and author, frequent contributor to The New York Times. Hannah is played by his tennis partner’s daughter. Miuccia is played by his dog, Zoloft.

Bob says “my intent was more about satirizing fashion culture than religion,” but having said that, as parents of Bar and Bat Mitzvah kids, the speech brings up a number of issues that are worth considering and even discussing with our kids.

Firstly – on what basis do we, and should we judge people – based on their character or based on their cloth?  The Ethics of Our Fathers states – do not look at the vessel; rather, look at what is inside it.  This is specifically (but not exclusively) referring also to the character make up of people, as opposed to their looks.

Secondly – what sort of role models do we want to be?  The type of father who “kindly” takes time off from his new Brazilian wife to attend the Bat Mitzvah?  The type of grandmother who teaches her granddaughter from a young age the importance of labels?  There is a lovely story in the Talmud that ends with a blessing that one’s offspring should be exactly like them.  We must strive to be the kind of person that we want our children to emulate and grow into.

Thirdly – what is the role of beauty in Judaism?  The Torah dedicates many, many chapters and verses to describing the stunning Sanctuary that Bezalel was commissioned to build for the Jews in the desert, and King Solomon pulled out all the stops to make sure that his Temple was an exquisite talking point, with magnificent resources from all over the world.

In short, physical beauty is recommended in Judaism, but it cannot represent an empty shell – beauty must be a window to reflect the spiritual and elevated content that lies within.

So, instead of clicking the “dislike” button on YouTube, I would like to thank Bob and the lovely “Hannah” for giving us some Bat Mitzvah thoughts to ponder and their Bat Mitzvah speech message – there is clearly more to fashion, judgement and beauty that meets the eye!

 

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A beautiful and ancient Bat Mitzvah Prayer

April 13, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment
Bat Mitzvah prayer

Bat Mitzvah Prayer, image from pearleditions.com

The following prayer is from the Talmud, and the beautiful text is as meaningful today as it was over 2000 years ago when it was first written and is appropriate to be quoted at a Bat Mitzvah ceremony.

Talmud Berachot 17a – Lawrence Kushner, Translator

May you live to see your world fulfilled,
May your destiny be for worlds still to come,
And may you trust in generations past and yet
to be.
May your heart be filled with intuition
and your words be filled with insight.
May songs of praise ever be upon your tongue
and your vision be on a straight path before you.
May your eyes shine with the light of holy words
and your face reflect the brightness of the heavens.
May your lips speak wisdom
and your fulfillment be in righteousness
even as you ever yearn to hear the words
of the Holy Ancient One of Old.

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All about the Bat Mitzvah Candle Lighting Ceremony

April 13, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment

Many Bat Mitzvah girls choose to have a Bat Mitzvah Candle Lighting Ceremony at their Bat Mitzvah’s.  This is a very special ceremony which allows the Bat Mitzvah girl to dwell on people or ideas are important to her.  What is especially nice about the Bat Mitzvah candle lighting ceremony is that it is very flexible and you can use your own ideas to adapt it to what is important to your family.

Bat Mitzvah Candle Lighting Ceremony

Bat Mitzvah Candle Lighting Ceremony from partiesbypanache.com

The basic structure of the Bat Mitzvah candle lighting ceremony includes choosing how many candles you would like to light.  Most Bat Mitzvah candle lighting ceremonies have thirteen candles to represent the Bat Mitzvah’s girl’s age, with one for next year.  Then you decide what important people are going to be invited to light candles, and the order in which they are called. Many people first light a memorial candle for those who are no longer with us, then they honor grandparents, aunts and uncles, then cousins, older relatives and younger relatives. Finally, family friends, child’s friends, siblings and parents are invited to light. Sometimes the Bat Mitzvah girl will light the final candle.

During the ceremony each honoree that lights is accompanied by background music which is relevant to them, let the DJ or band know ahead of time what you have chosen and they will play it for you.

Traditionally the girl or her parents will write a poem (which rhymes or in free verse) for each person or group who is lighting a candle.  You should personalize this poem, add identifying details and mention something about the relationship and influence they have had on you.

It is a nice idea to donate a small amount to a favorite charity for each candle, in the name of the person you are calling.

More Bat Mitzvah candle lighting ceremony tips

  • Keep the ceremony short and quick
  • You can decorate the candle stand in the theme of the Bat Mitzvah
  • Make sure that the candle stand is in front of a nice background wall
  • You can make a small presentation to each honoree (like planting a tree in Israel)

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Blessing for a Bat Mitzvah Girl

April 13, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment

Hebrew:

Bat Mitzvah blessing

Bat Mitzvah Blessing from Milechai.com

מי שברך אבותינו אברהם יצחק ויעקב שרה רבקה רחל ולאה הוא יברך את ___________ בת __________ שמלאו לה שתים עשרה שנה והגיעה למצוות, ונותנה שבח והודיה להשם יתברך על כל הטוב שגמל אותה. ישמרה הקדוש ברוך הוא וחיה, ויכונן את לבה להיות שלם עם ה’ וללכת בדרכיו ולשמור מצוותיו כל הימים ונאמר אמן

Transliteration:
Mi Sheberakh avoteinu, Avraham Yitzchak v’Ya’akov, Sarah Rivkah Rachel v’Leah, hu y’varekh et __________ bat __________ shemalu la sh’taimesrah shanah v’higi’ah l’mitzvot, v’notnah shebach v’hodiah l’hashem yitbarakh al khol hatov shegamal otah. Yishmarah hakadosh barukh hu v’chayah, v’yikhonen et libah lihi’ot shalem im Adonai, v’lalechet bedarkheinu v’lishmor mitzvotav khol hayamim, v’nomar amen.

English:
May the One who blessed our forefathers Abraham, Issac and Jacob, and our foremothers Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel and Leah, bless ____________ daughter of ______________ who is twelve years old and has reached the age of the commandments. She gives praise and thanksgiving to Almighty God for all the good that God has done to her. May God keep her and sustain her, and direct her heart to be whole, and to walk in God’s ways and follow God’s commandments all of her days. And let us say Amen.

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What Judaism is all about…

April 13, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment
Bat Mitzvah Gift

Bat Mitzvah Gift from Uniqueketuba.com

There is a story about a hassidic Rabbi, who was once teaching five years old boys in a small village in Russia to learn the Hebrew ABC – Aleph, Bet, Gimmel.  It happened that one day, one of the boys forgot to bring his ink bottle and asked the boy at his side for some of his. “No,” replied the latter. “I haven’t enough; you should have brought from home.” So the first boy had to ask someone else.

The teacher noticed this and said nothing, but a half hour later he asked the second boy if he could show the class an Aleph, a Bet and a Gimmel . “Of course,” answered the child as he pointed in one of his books. “This is an Aleph, this a Bet, and this a Gimmel.”
“No,” said the teacher. “You are wrong.”
The boy was confused. “But teacher” he said, “this is what you taught us… this is what we have been reading for the last two years!”
“No,” the teacher repeated. “You are wrong.”
“Aleph is: When your friend asks you for ink, you give it to him.
“Bet is: When your friend asks for ink, you give it to him.
“Gimmel is: When your friend asks for ink, you give it to him.”

Friends and family, thank you for joining ____ and the rest of our family in this joyous occasion.  ________ , today you are the most important person here.  Today, you have entered the Jewish community as a responsible woman.  You have spent a lot of time preparing and learning for your Bat Mitzvah.  And certainly you have leant to recognize the letters Aleph, Bet and Gimmel, but as this anecdote teaches us, it isn’t the letter of the law that is important, but the spirit of the law.

The spirit of Jewish law tells us – when your friend asks for ink, you give it to him.  Or in other words, it tells us to care about those around, be kind and considerate of them and try to help them out in times of need. There is a Hebrew word for that – it is called Chesed. Chesed , or loving kindness, is perhaps one of the ultimate values to which Jews should strive…

This is an excerpt from a mother’s speech to her daughter on her Bat Mitzvah, we write many different types of Bat Mitzvah speeches. Please Be in touch with our helpful and friendly speech writers to discuss your Bat Mitzvah speech!


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Bat Mitzvah research project ideas and tips

April 12, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment
Bat Mitzvah research project

Bat Mitzvah research project

Hannah, mother of 4 girls who lives in Israel, recently celebrated her second daughter’s Bat Mitzvah.  When she was considering how to mark this special occasion, she knew that her daughters’ Bat Mitzvah preparation was much more important to her than the details of the party.  She wanted her daughters to grow as Jewish women from the Bat Mitzvah experience.

Jewish women heroine research project
A year before her oldest daughter Rachel’s Bat Mitzvah, Hannah found a woman tutor to learn with her.   Rachel and her tutor decided to learn about Jewish women heroines from Biblical times to modern times.  Together they delved into Biblical text and studied classical and modern commentators to get a real understanding of who the biblical women heroines were, what motivated them, what were their personal strengths and weaknesses.  They also studied the life and biographies of post-biblical Jewish women heroines like Donna Gracia Mendes (Middle Ages Spanish philanthropist), Hannah Senesh (Israeli parachutist during WWII) and Nechama Leibowitz (teacher of a generation of rabbi’s and Jewish educators).  In addition, Rachel interviewed family members to gather information about her four great-grandmothers, her two grandmothers, her great aunt after whom she was named and her mom.  In her Bat Mitzvah speech, Rachel reflected on her Bat Mitzvah research project, she connected the qualities that she learned about from women in Jewish History to her family members, and discussed in what ways she would try and emulate them, as she takes her place in the chain of Jewish women.

Learning your families roots
Hannah’s second daughter, Arielle, celebrated her Bat Mitzvah on Parshat Lech Lecha, the Torah portion which describes Abraham’s arrival and travels in the land of Israel.  Hannah returned to her tutor, and asked her to learn with Arielle.  They discussed the family roots, and discovered that Arielle’s grandfather had made Aliyah to Israel from Iraq, the same Mesopotamian area where Abraham may have come from, and decided that it would be particularly meaningful to connect the family history, to that of the first Jewish patriarch.  Arielle and her tutor started learning about the land of Israel and the ancient biblical sites that Abraham visited.  After learning about each biblical site, they went out and visited them; taking photo’s that they would put in Arielle’s Bat Mitzvah scrapbook.  In her Bat Mitzvah speech, Arielle spoke the qualities of Abraham- acts of kindness, faith, and love of the land of Israel,  and how her grandfather exhibited similar qualities throughout his life.  Each table at the Bat Mitzvah had a marker of location in Israel that Abraham visited, along with photos of Arielle at these locations.

Other ideas for Bat Mitzvah research project
Here are just a few ideas for you to consider for your daughter’s Bat Mitzvah research project.

•    My Jewish name – studying about Jewish women who have the same name as I do
•    A mitzvah – choosing a mitzvah to study about like lighting Friday night candles, making challah or giving charity
•    A festival – if you are celebrating your daughter’s Bat Mitzvah around a festival it is nice for her to research it
•    Women in my family – tracing the Jewish women chain of generations, this can involve a genealogy project, interviewing women family members, archive research etc.
•    My Jewish community – tracing the roots of your Jewish community
•    A Book – reading in depth a biblical, classic or modern Jewish book, and reporting back on it
•    The weekly torah portion – learning in depth, and commenting on the stories, commandments and eternal message of the portion.

If you have other ideas of research projects, or you did something interesting – we’d love to hear about it!  Please tell us about it in the comment box below…

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Chesed and Tikkun Olam on your Bat Mitzvah!

April 12, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment

Chesed project from the US.orgChesed (kindness) is in fact one of the most important pillars of Judaism, so what better way to celebrate your Bat Mitzvah by doing Chesed and showing responsibility to members of our community who are in need.  Here are some ideas that you can use your Bat Mitzvah to demonstrate the value of caring for others, and social responsibility (Tikkun Olam).

  • Design your own invitations and photocopy them instead of having them printed.  The money that you have saved on printing you can donate to one of your favorite causes.
  • Prepare some sort of marathon or tournament with other Bat Mitzvah girls and donate sponsorship money to one of your favorite causes.
  • Prepare a show with other bat mitzvah girls and perform it in a children’s ward or Old Age home
  • Make a bat mitzvah drive to collect old toys, clothes, canned goods and deliver it to a worthy institution.
  • Instead of a big party, celebrate your Bat Mitzvah with your family, and invite a few close friends to a creative night in which you make your own Havdalah set or other item of Judaica.  Give some of the money you might have used for a big party to Tzedaka.
  • Twin yourself with a girl that does not have the means to celebrate her Bat Mitzvah.  For more on twinning check the AMIT, One Family and WFJSCH websites.
  • Take on a Bat Mitzvah project in which you commit to spending a certain amount of hours volunteering with a child/school/kindergarten/family or soup kitchen that can use your help.

Repairing the world, one bandage at a time!
The Areyvut organization profiles Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah kids who made a difference.  On their website you can read about Shira Kitay who is a student at the Martin J. Gottlieb Day School in Jacksonville, FL.

For her Bat Mitzvah project decided to donate band-aids to the Wolfson Children’s Hospital in Jacksonville, FL and Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, Israel. Shira held a contest to design band-aids that would give children who are hospitalized hope, or at least a smile.  She spent many hours preparing for this project and has used a portion of the money she received for her Bat Mitzvah to help put the program into action.

 

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6 ways you can help your daughter prepare in a meaningful way for her bat mitzvah

April 12, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment

So is it about the “Bar” or about the “Mitzvah”?  At times, it is hard to tell!  If you’re looking for your daughters Bat Mitzvah year to be a meaningful one, if you want her to actually grow from it as a Jewess, then read on to find 6 ways you can help your daughter prepare meaningfully for her bat mitzvah!

Bat Mitzvah Party

Bat Mitzvah Party

1. Bat Mitzvah preparation course – Attend a bat mitzvah course in which you will learn relevant material towards the occasion of your bat mitzvah. Many synagogues, temples, community centers and even schools communities have some sort of learning program which will give the bat mitzvah girl a firm basis to understand the importance of her role as a woman in Jewish life.

2. Attend a mother and daughter bat mitzvah course – This is a wonderful time to strengthen the bond between you and your daughter – you are after all the next two links in the chain of Jewish generation, and a learning program aimed at tightening the bond between you can be very powerful. For more information about the MaTaN mother and daughter bat mitzvah programs in various Jewish communities click here.

3. Prepare as partners! If a course is too much for you, you can choose a Jewish book to read together. This can be a growing and learning experience for the two of you. Some recommended books are To be a Jewish Women by Lisa Aiken, or The Diary of Anne Frank, or For Kids – Putting G-d on Your Guest List, by Jeffrey K. Salkin She can discuss the book as part of her Bat Mitzvah speech.

4. Learning with a mentor or tutor – Personalize your daughter’s bat mitzvah learning with a tutor or mentor! You can choose what is important for your daughter to understand, as she stands on the threshold of Jewish womanhood. Are there questions that she frequently asks with regard to Judaism? Is there a topic that she is particularly interested in, but don’t know how to explore it from a Jewish perspective (like the environment, the status of women, etc)? Does she want to know about her Jewish name, and explore the qualities of women who have borne this name? All these are ideas for the bat mitzvah learning with a mentor. You can even do this from the comfort of your own home. If you would like to learn with a bat mitzvah mentor online or through skype then email us for more information!

5. A Bat Mitzvah Project – Responsibility for the world around us is one of the hallmarks of Judaism. In a Bat Mitzvah project your daughter can contribute a few hours a week to others. She can volunteer to work in a shelter for the homeless, help out in a kindergarden, with friends she can prepare a show for senior citizens, or participate in a marathon to raise money for a cause that is important to her. She can report back on her experience in her Bat Mitzvah speech.

6. Giving Tzedaka – Giving charity is one of the highest ideals of Judaism. What a great time to teach your daughter this value by encouraging her to partake of this mitzvah. She can design her own invitations and photocopy them instead of having them printed.  The money that you have saved on printing you can donate to one of your favorite causes. Or you can ask her if she wants to donate a certain percentage of her Bat Mitzvah money to a cause that is important to her.

Do you have more ideas to share? Please tell us about them in the comment box!

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Bat Mitzvah coming up? 14 Bat Mitzvah Tips to kick start your planning!

April 12, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment
Bat Mitzvah Girl

Bat Mitzvah Girl

If you’ve never had to plan a Bat Mitzvah before, the process may seem scary and overwhelming!  If you type keywords like “Bat Mitzvah planning” into an internet search engine, you will find many, many links to vendor sites, large portals, forums etc….but you’re not ready for that yet!   Well, the good news is you have come to the right place to focus yourself to start your Bat Mitzvah planning.  Read on to discover 14 tips that will kick start your Bat Mitzvah planning, plus  check out the quick link resources I have added!

1.    It’s never to early to start planning! Planning doesn’t mean choosing vendors or booking locations!  You can start thinking about your daughters bat mitzvah a year and a half in advance.  When you go to other peoples functions, think about what you like, what you don’t, and just start mulling over options (or ruling out options) in your mind.

2.   Go low tech: Buy a folder, notebook and pen:  Put the notebook inside the folder. This is for your notes, your interviews, your calculations etc.  Also put in the folders any prospects, price quotations, handouts etc.

3.    Download a Bat Mitzvah planning timetable to help you keep to a schedule.  For a free planning timetable, email us (you don’t need to register with our site!)

4.    Personalize your Bat Mitzvah: There are so many ways to celebrate a Bat Mitzvah, do your research: What is a Bat Mitzvah?  How do you want to celebrate a Bat Mitzvah?  What different ways or style can one celebrate a Bat Mitzvah?

5.    Now you can think about the content of the Bat Mitzvah.  Remember, it isn’t just about the party – your daughter is becoming a part of Jewish community. What does this mean to you?  What does it mean to her? How do you want this to be reflected in the Bat Mitzvah itself?  How can your Bat Mitzvah girl grow from this in terms of Jewish awareness and commitment?  For ideas check out http://www.areyvut.org/

Bat Mitzvah Party

Bat Mitzvah Party

6.    Choosing a community: At least part of the the Bat Mitzvah is often in a synagogue or temple.  Think about which local Synagogue/Temple you identify with, meet with them to make sure that they are the right “partners” for you, and most importantly, discuss dates with them.

7.    Set a date for the ceremony and the party.  The date can be based around your daughter’s Hebrew birthday, or you can connect it to a festival or another special (or convenient) time. Make sure that the date you set doesn’t clash with any holidays. To find out your daughter’s Hebrew birthday check out http://www.chabad.org/calendar/birthday_cdo/aid/6228/jewish/Jewish-Birthday.htm

8.  How much and who: First work out what your budget is, and based on that you can draw up a rough guest list.  I found this, but have never used it.  http://www.evite.com/app/party/calculator/view.do

9. What: Think about what type of event do you want?  Do you want a formal do, or informal?  What time of the day do you want?  On a week night?  Weekend?  Do you want it large or intimate?

10.   Where: Based on the above and your budget, choose a location for the party

11.   How: Get advice:  You’re nearly ready to think about vendors, themes, center pieces, mitzvah projects etc!  Speak to friends who have “been there done that” to find out who they would recommend.  Ask them for tips and pointers, and also ask them what mistakes they made or what to avoid.  Here is where the online forums are useful – just google the key words “bat Mitzvah forums”.  These are online communities of Bat Mitzvah parents like you at different stages of their Simcha  – and they’re waiting to share their process with you!  If you’re in the NY area, you can get consultation services from http://www.jlifeconsulting.com/site/?p=home

12.  Bat Mitzvah learning: If you want your daughter to learn something for her Bat Mitzvah, you can contact your Synagogue/Temple to find out if they recommend a tutor (or ask a online or offline buddy).  Get references!  Find out if there is a Bat Mitzvah Year enrichment program in your Synagogue, Temple, School or JCC.

13.    Choose the theme of the Bat Mitzvah. You can connect it creatively to your daughter’s Bat Mitzvah Portion, a Jewish idea or value (tsedaka, family). Go ahead and Google “bat Mitzvah themes”, you’ll get loads more ideas from there…

14.    Make a list of vendors that you will need: you may think about hiring a party planner, caterer, photographer, videographer, entertainer, florist etc.  get recommendations about particular vendors and interview them – make sure that they are people that you will be happy to work with.  We wrote an article on choosing a photographer; you can use some of the guidelines for other service vendors: http://www.yourjewishspeech.com/bar-mitzvah/109-choosing-a-photographer-for-your-barbat-mitzvah

With that we’ve covered the big details, there are many smaller details, and we recommend that you consult you Bat Mitzvah Planning Schedule for further details. (Email us and ask for one, you don’t need to register for our site)!

Most importantly remember, this is your daughter’s  Big Day, she is the Bat Mitzvah girl. Let her have an appropriate amount of involvement and choice in the planning, and make sure that the occasion you have planned is something that she will look forward to and want to remember!

Good luck and mazal tov!

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Bat Mitzvah 101

April 12, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment

What is a Bat Mitzvah

Bat Mitzvah Gilrs

Bat Mitzvah girls, photos courtesy of Rebecca Kowalsky (http://www.imagesthroughtime.com) and Lucas Cantor.

A Bat Mitzvah is one of the most important landmark occasions in the life of a Jewish girl.

At the age of 12, the bat mitzvah girl enters the world of Jewish adulthood; she now assumes responsibility for herself as a member of the Jewish community. The word “bat” is the Hebrew word for “daughter of”, the word “Mitzvah” means “commandment”.  According to Jewish law, from the time of her bat mitzvah, the Jewish girl is bound by the mitzvot that were not considered obligatory until now.
Different ways of celebrating

The Bat Mitzvah celebrations vary according to ones religious Jewish affiliation. In some communities, the batmitzvah girl will be called up to read from the weekly Torah reading in the synagogue. In other communities the Bat Mitzvah occasion will be marked by a ceremnony in the synagogue, a hall or somewhere else. Sometimes a number of bat mitzvah girls will choose to celebrate their bat mitzvah together.

An opportunity for creativity

Owing to the fact that the concept of celebrating a bat mitzvah for a Jewish girl is relatively modern, and it is less proscribed than the bar mitzvah celebration, there are many wonderful and creative avenues in which to mark the occasion.

 

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