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This week I was at a beautiful baby girl ceremony.

December 6, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment

My friends Shani and Ilan wanted to celebrate the birth of their second daughter, their fourth child. This ceremony was particularly pertinent because it took place on the baby’s 31 day of life, 31 days after Ilan’s father had passed away. Yes, the beautiful blessing was born the same hour that Ilan’s father left this world.

My husband and I came early, as I had a work meeting and was not able to stay for long. When we arrived we were stunned by the beautiful sight of lime covered tables with the cutest blow up animals as centerpieces. This was a cheerful sight, but food was not on display yet, and there was no music.  It was clear to us the food and festive spirit was not going to be the focus of the occasion.

Simchat Bat Centerpieces

Simchat Bat Blow up animal Centerpieces

This hunch was confirmed when, as the hall filled up with visitors, Ilan invited the guests to come to the center of the room and form a circle.  We did so, and Ilan explained that he had asked his Rabbi whether he could have a celebration party for his baby daughter in the traditional year of mourning. The Rabbi suggested that he could, but it should be immediately after the initial 30 days of mourning.

Ilan then explained that the baby will be brought through the circle of visitors to the lap of her grandmother, Ilan’s mother, by Ilan and Shani. The baby was passed by Shani’s mother on a pink pillow to Shani, and the women visitors were encouraged to put jewelry on the pillow as a symbol of the righteous women in the desert who volunteered their jewelry to build the holy sanctuary.  (Don’t worry, the jewelry was returned!) Holding candles Shani and Ilan carried their baby girl to her paternal grandmother, who placed the pillow with the content baby on her lap. Shani and Ilan sprinkled salt around the baby to represent the preciousness and eternity.

Pink pillow for the baby girl

Pink pillow for the baby girl

Unfortunately at that point I had to run, I heard that Ilan spoke beautifully, that there was the singing of lovely Jewish melodies and the food was great.  Although I was there for only a short time, the message that I got from Shani and Ilan’s Simchat Bat, was that the food and lighthearted spirits was secondary to the meaning and content of the occasion.

Mazal Tov Shani and Ilan on the birth of your precious baby girl, may you have much nachas from her, and may she and you be blessed with all things good and happy!

Blessings to you Shani and Ilan!

 

Were you at an especially meaningful Simchat Bat ceremony? I’d love to hear about it!

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The Bat Mitzvah Best Friend speech

December 1, 2011 By talitarlow 1 Comment

It’s your daughter’s Bat Mizvah year and the excitement is mounting. The family have been looking forward to this time for 12 years and suddenly it has arrived. You have been fantasizing about the type of celebration you would be arranging to mark your daughters coming of age but now that it is real the pressure is on. You slowly but surely are checking off all the boxes on your things-to-do list then suddenly out of the blue you are landed with a new task; helping your daughter write a speech and/ or song for her best friends Bat Mitzvah.

This phenomenon of entertaining girlfriends at their Bat Mitzvah celebrations has become de rigueur in the past few years. The bat mitzvah girl looks forward with great anticipation to find out what her friends are going to say about her in public at her special moment. Its probably one of the highlights of the evening as far as she is concerned so being given the task of delivering the best-friend speech is an honor but a nail-biting one!

Best Friend Bat Mitzvah speech

Best Friend Bat Mitzvah speech

So, how are you going to help your daughter get it just right??   Here are a few guidelines you might find helpful:

  • Help your daughter compose a list of the Bat mitzvah girl’s qualities that make her her ‘best friend’
  • Make sure the list contains only positive descriptions. Now is the time to give loads of compliments and make the Bat Mitzvah girl feel special
  • Although your daughter and her best friend have their secrets and special language, the speech should only mention things that everyone can understand. The audience should be happy to listen to the speech and not be made to feel excluded from the best friends’ special relationship.
  • This is not the time to outshine the Bat Mitzvah at her own party so make sure your daughter doesn’t try to be too clever….
  • … but its great if she can tell funny little stories to bring a smile to the audiences faces
  • If your daughter is part of a group of friends make sure they all have an equal input to avoid anyone feeling left out. Even if one has a clearer voice then the rest they should all be able to participate and do their bit speaking.
  • If your daughter has decided to write and sing a song make sure it is a tune everyone can hum along to. It’s also best to keep the words and the melody simple. Off tune singing with difficult lyrics are hard to follow and the moment will be lost…
Best friends for ever :)

Bat Mitzvah - best friends for ever :)

Ultimately your daughter should have great fun composing a speech for her best friend. It’s a time for her to show how much she loves her friend and enjoys their friendship. It’s also a great step into the world of public speaking which is a very daunting task to most people. Ensuring that she has a great time with this project will make future public speaking engagements a breeze and who knows, she might be asked to deliver the maid-of-honor address at her best friends wedding….

Do you know any Best Friends Bat Mitzvah speech success or horror stories?  Please tell us about them below.

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The all important 3 M’s of Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts

November 15, 2011 By talitarlow 6 Comments

When we BM parents were growing up, a very common bar or Bat Mitzvah present was a fountain pen. Hence the joke went, when the bar mitzvah boy got up to speak to the synagogue, he would say, “Today I am a fountain pen.”  But times have changed, and perhaps the line can be adapted to read “today I am an ipod”.  Bar Mitzvah presents fall into 3 general categories – we like to call it the 3 M’s: Money, Meaningful, and “Much Appreciated”.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts

Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts

Money Bar Mitzvah Gifts

You can never go wrong with money presents, in Jewish tradition if you’re going to give money, a meaningful number is 18 because in Hebrew it has the same numerical value as the word Chai,meaning “ life”.  People often give Jewish money gifts in multiples of 18 – $36, $54, $90.  Included in the money category is gift certificates which can also be in multiples of 18.    Most adults give money as a gift. Children, when invited separately, will usually buy a present that they feel their friend would like. Family members usually give bigger amounts of money than casual friends.  It is wise to place the cash in a birthday card and present it when entering the party room or hall. If there is a welcoming line with family and the birthday boy or girl you can give it then, if not, there should be a table or basket set up for gifts. Give all gifts at the reception, not at the Temple/synagogue/shul.

Money Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts

Money Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts

Meaningful Bar Mitzvah Gifts

Since the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is really a celebration of Jewish adulthood, some people choose to give gifts connected to the landmark moment.  Judaica is a nice option – for you can get a nice kiddish cup for boys or candle sticks for girls. If the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is close to a festival you can get Judaica connected to the festival like Machzorim prayer books for the high holy days or a menorah at Chanukah time.  Jewelry is a wonderful gift, and can be meaningful for boys and for girls.  Alef Bet Jewelry has a Bat Mitzvah line which is worth looking at http://alefbet.com/. Jewelry Designer Emily Rosenfeld told us that Bar and Bat Mitzvah favorites are Yads, Key Chains and Panels.  She has a new boys jewelry line which is popular also http://www.emilyrosenfeld.com/ . Jewish related books are also popular meaningful gifts.

Meaningful Bat Mitzvah gifts

Meaningful Bat Mitzvah gifts (from AlefBet Jewerly - voucher below :)

“Much Appreciated” Bar Mitzvah Gifts

If you just want to go with someone fun that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child will definitely appreciate, then you may want to go for games – computer, electronic, sports equipment, camping gear, something hobby related or vouchers to popular stores.  It is a good idea to enclose a exchange receipt.

 

"Much Appreciated" Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts

"Much Appreciated" Bar/Bat Mitzvah gifts

 

Our readers suggest:

Some of our readers have shared some more fantastic ideas.

Debbie L – Great “Much Appreciated” gifts can be match/concert/season tickets

Joanne - iTunes gift cards were the easiest to use quickly, gender neutral, and fun. (Joanne also runs a wonderful Bar/Bat Mitzvah service making cool kippot – check it out http://www.maybe-sew.com/)

Clara – One family bought my oldest son a Kodak Playsport waterproof video camera. That was a hit!

Dalit – My son was very excited about some of the Jewish books that he received for his bar mitzvah.

Sarah – Money, money and money. We live in Israel and that is what you give. Mind you, I have seen people give camping equipment which is also very popular. I particularly love those little gas things that you can scramble eggs on and make hot water on.

Ilana – I have bought a few Bat Mitzvah girls identity necklaces or bracelets!

Miriam – Best present my daughter received for her Batmitzvah was a huge rucksack/camping backpack which she takes on all her school.

Ester – My son got a huge backpack and a water bottle backpack too. Those have been very handy. But we also really like the books and book store gift cards, and of course, the cash. Best of all was a new computer!

Janice – My nephew got so many rucksacks and camping equipment he thought people were trying to tell him something!

Gillian Kay – It’s a good idea to make a book list, so he/she gets the books he/she wants, not 10 of the same. Gift cards for shops like Fox and Gap go down well.

Debbie B – I have a friend whose daughter was an avid reader, so three of her friends got together, pooled their money and got her an e-reader with a very large gift card and a list of all of the classics that she should load onto it. Clever, right?

The nice people from Ultimate Affair Weddings told us – The new Sony camera , with a few photo albums, Kinda pricey gift but I have seen that a few times in the last few months. Thumb Drives is another one. Journals, Mont Blanc Pen Set, Waterman Pens.

And now – a gift to you:

Check out this surprise for you from AlefBet Jewelry http://www.alefbet.com/ They told us “We have jewelry! Use coupon happyholidays2011 and take 15% off entire order!”

Do you have any more great Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift suggestions? Please tell us in the comment box below.

Filed Under: Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah, Blog, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Mayor Rahm Emanuel on Bar and Bat Mitzvah’s

October 6, 2011 By talitarlow 5 Comments

Too often Bar and Bat Mitzvah parents get their proverbial knickers in a knot over details like the hall, the catering, the DJ, the invitations, the theme and the fashion.  There is certainly a time and place for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah party – but is this really what a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is all about? Do we want to give our children the message that being Bnei Mitzvah is about throwing an dazzling affair that will  impress and outdo our neighbours?

 

Bar/Bat Mitzvah party mom with lots to do...

Bar/Bat Mitzvah party mom with lots to do...

We can all take inspiration from one of the most prominent Jews in the USA today – Chicago Mayor and former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Immanuel. The following paragraphs are from Suntimes.com and is based on his recent speech to the Jewish Federation.

“The night before their Bar Mitzvahs, my brother, Ari, and I took our two sons to the [Wailing] Wall to recite the prayer, ‘Who are you, if you are not for yourself? What are you if you are only for yourself? And if not now, when?’ The same prayer my father said to me on my Bar Mitzvah,” Emanuel said.

“And that really is the spirit, the culture, the philosophical outlook of the [Jewish Federation]. Yes, you have to make sure that no Jew suffers either hunger, homelessness or any of the economic hardships of life. But, our work does not stop at the borders of our own community.”

The mayor’s daughter, Ilana, got a chance to walk that walk after celebrating her Bat Mitzvah recently. Emanuel said he and his wife, Amy, “don’t allow parties for Bat Mitzvah.” Instead, Ilana Emanuel worked with KaBoom — a national non-profit — to plan and build a playground for homeless children at A Safe Haven’s transitional living facility at 2750 W. Roosevelt.

“We’ve taught our kids that the most important thing they can do for their Bar or Bat Mitzvah is to give something back. And in an afternoon, an entire playground went up … 250 people. She organized 130 of ’em. That was her Bat Mitzvah party,” the mayor said. “It’s a time for celebration. But [also] a time to learn that first lesson in life: You have something special. Do something for those who are in a time of need. That is what it means to be Jewish.”

 

We all know the that if there are two Jews, there will be three opinions. Do you agree with Emanuel’s take on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah message? Do you think there is an even more important message to convey to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah child?

Bar/Bat Mitzvah message

Bar/Bat Mitzvah message

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One of my favorite Bar/Bat Mitzvah speech quotations

August 24, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment
Mark Twain speech quotation

Mark Twain speech quotation from nmjh.org

I’m about to share with you one of my speechwriters tricks that I keep up my sleeve.  It is one of my favorite quotations, and it is great to use in Bar or Bat Mitzvah speeches.

Just a few words of introduction: The author of this quotation is Mark Twain (born Samuel Langhorne Clemens).  You could say that he is America’s greatest author and humorist.  In 1898, he wrote an article called Concerning the Jews which was published in Harpers Magazine. This is a quotation from that article:

 

 

 

“If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of star dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way.

Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world’s list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers.

He has made a marvellous fight in the world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself, and be excused for it.

The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished.

The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?”

What a powerful quotation to share with a Bar Mitzvah Boy, or Bat Mitzvah girl, at the moment that they are receiving their entrance ticket to the community of Jewish adults.

I particularly love that this quote ends with a question: “What is the secret of Jewish immortality?”  This means that at the end of the quotation, the reader/listener is left with the thought “what do I think is the secret to Jewish longevity?”  The person giving the speech can propose an answer, or s/he can prompt the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child (and the audience) to find their own answer.  Food for thought – as they say!

So, some food for thought for my readers – do you think this quote is still relevant today?  How would you answer Twain’s question: “What is the secret of Jewish immortality?”  And how would you use this quotation in a Bar or Bat Mitzvah speech?

Arch of Titus

Arch of Titus marking Jewish exile to Rome

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Batmom Blog:The pot of gold, the rainbow path, and the Bat Mitzvah!

July 19, 2011 By talitarlow 5 Comments

In a wonderful tale spun by the makers of Irish mythology, the leprechaun hides a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  I don’t know how many fortune seekers set off on the rainbow path to find the treasure, but I do know that their journey must have been an interesting one. As Batmom, the surprising superhero, I have taken the liberty to briefly “borrow” the rainbow path from Irish folklore.  I need it for one year and I promise to return it when I’m done.

 

Batmom stealing the rainbow path

Shhh...that's me stealing the rainbow path

You see, as mother of the bat mitzvah girl, I have been thinking about the meaning of Bat Mitzvah.   I know that it’s a landmark which symbolizes the girl’s newfound privilege of playing a full role in Jewish life. But what is a girl supposed to actually “do” to be Bat Mitzvah?  Is there a ritual that she needs to undergo? Is there a message that she needs to “get”?  I came to the conclusion that the Bat Mitzvah is relatively un-proscribed – there are no set ceremonies or rituals, and it therefore open to personal creativity.  At the same time, in the broad array of Jewish life, there are a myriad of messages that a Bat Mitzvah girl can and should receive as she is integrated into the community.  To mention just a few: Torah, family, tradition, Chesed, commitment to community, continuity and Tikkun Olam.  So Batdad, Batgirl and I decided to create our own Bat Mitzvah ritual which will involve finding some of these messages wherever they may be.  This is the journey that we will be taking this year, and like the rainbow path image, it has multiple paths all leading to the same destination – a Bat Mitzvah ceremony of our own design.

The rainbow path

The rainbow path towards to pot of gold

Batgirl and I have compiled a list of people and places that may offer a Bat Mitzvah message.  Over the next year we will gradually visit teachers, grandparents, role models, leaders and friends with the aim of asking them what they think is the Bat Mitzvah message.  Since we are privileged to live in Israel, we will also visit places like the Kotel, Har Herzl and Kever Rachel, and we will be going further afield to places like Caesaria to revisit Hannah Senesh to find out what she has to tell us.  We are even planning on going as far as my hometown Cape Town (Batgirl has chosen this in lieu of a Bat Mitzvah party) perhaps we will find a Bat Mitzvah message on the slopes of Table Mountain!  Actions speak louder than words – and so over the next year, we will be participating in activities like packing food boxes for the needy or serving meals at a soup kitchen and at these stations too we’ll be thinking about what we must take home as Jewish adults.

Is there a Bat Mitzvah message on the slopes of Table Mountain

Is there a Bat Mitzvah message on the slopes of Table Mountain?

Yes, we have a long and exciting year ahead of us, but readers – don’t worry, you won’t be kept in the dark.  Through this blog, you can join Batmom (yes that’s me), Batgirl and the rest of us in the Batfamily as we journey towards the Bat Mitzvah pot of Gold.  And if you stick with us, there will be a wonderful surprise in store when we finally get there!

What do you think is the most important Bat Mitzvah message?  Who or what would you like to take your Bat Mitzvah daughter to meet?  I’d love to hear!

(And please feel free to like, share or re-tweet, maybe you can help this blog will get to people who will benefit from it.)

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This is my blog

April 13, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment

This is my blog

Filed Under: Blog

A different kind of Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration!

April 13, 2011 By talitarlow Leave a Comment

OK, OK – this is an attempt at being lighthearted!  Personally, I think it’s great!

Harvey wanted to celebrate his son Josh’s Bar Mitzvah in a unique and spectacular way.  None of that “keeping up with the Goldbergs” for him – Harvey was The Trendsetter himself!

Having looked into a Bar Mitzvah cruise and a Bar Mitzvah Safari, he decided that his big surprise would be a Bar Mitzvah in space!  He would rent a spaceship and Josh would be the first Bar Mitzvah space boy.

Space Theme Bar Mitzvah

Space Theme Bar Mitzvah from zimensioncards.com

When the big day came, the spaceship took off with his family, friends and Rabbi.  They had a wonderful time, and when they returned, the local Jewish press was waiting to find out all about the journey.

The first person off the shuttle was the Zaydie.
“How was the service?” the reporter inquired.

“Not bad,” she replied.
“And how was Josh’s speech?”
“Not bad.”
“So how was the food?”
“Not bad.”
“Everything was just not bad? Why aren’t you more enthusiastic? What went wrong?”

Zaydie sighed and replied: “There was no atmosphere.”

Filed Under: Bar Mitzvah, Bar Mitzvah Planning Tips, Bar Mitzvah Vendor Tips, Bat Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah Planning Tips, Bat Mitzvah Vendor Tips, Blog, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,