A guide to Jewish wedding dancing!

The Jewish wedding is a real Simcha – a joyful occasion – and it is even considered a mitzvah for the guests to add even more joy to the happiness of the bride and groom on their wedding day.  Since the earliest of times, the Jewish people have celebrated special moments in song and dance, and Jewish weddings are no exception.

Chair Dancing at Jewish Wedding

Chair Dancing at Jewish Wedding from everafterimages.com

Jewish Circle Dancing and the Hora

No Jewish wedding is complete without the Hora, this generally comprises a medley of popular Jewish tunes, including Hava Nagila (‘come let us be glad’), and Siman Tov U Mazleltov (‘may good luck come to us’). During the circle dancing, some of the stronger guests lift the bride and groom up on chairs (or even together on a table), high above the crowd.  This is sometimes called the Wedding Chair Dance. Friends and family dance around in an ecstatic circle as the bride and groom try not to look (or fall) down.

Mitzvah Dances

Entertaining the bride and groom on their wedding day is not only a mitzvah (good deed) but it is also considered an obligation. At traditional Jewish weddings, the couple is seated on chairs and guests dance before them with masks, silly costumes, and props.  Don’t be surprised if you will find in this part of the dancing bottle dancers, flame eaters, jugglers and unicyclers.  In some circles, this is part of the “shtick”.

 

Fire eater amuses bride and groom at Jewish wedding

Fire eater amuses bride and groom at Jewish wedding from http://www.michaeltemchine.com/

Mezinke Tanz OR Krenzel

The Mezinke Tanz is one of the concluding dances of the night and the purpose of this dance is now to honor the parents who have married off their last child. The proud (and relieved) parents sit on chairs in the middle of the dance floor while friends and family dance around, kissing them as they pass in front.  The dance is also known as Krenzel (Yiddish for “crown”), this is because a crown of flowers is traditionally placed in the mother’s hair during the dance.

What was the most unforgettable part of Jewish wedding dancing that you experinced?

See the vids below for more Jewish wedding dancing

The Hora/Chair Dance

Orthadox Wedding dancing

Raise a Glass, Break a Glass; Canopy Customs

It is natural to want your wedding to be one of the most joyous occasions in your life. You are the most excited you have ever been and you want your happiness to infect your family and friends who are celebrating with you. There is so much effort and thought being put in to the planning to insure each guest has a wonderful time at your simcha so…..

Why according to Jewish custom do we recall one of the most tragic events in Jewish history, the destruction of the Temple, at the climax of the chuppa ceremony? Why oh why did the Rabbis who instituted our traditions deem it necessary to introduce this sad memory at this precise moment?

Jewish bride and groom

Jewish bride and groom by Rebecca Kowalsky http://www.imagesthroughtime.com

The way this memory is recalled is by the groom stepping on a glass at the end of the ceremony. People often joke and say it is the last time he will be able to put his foot down…. There is usually a pause and a sad melody is sung which tells of the rebuilding of Jerusalem and the return of the Jewish people to their homeland.

The tradition is traced back to the Talmud which tells of a Rabbi who broke a vase at a wedding because he didn’t want people to be too happy. Is being too happy problematic? What could have been his motive?

 

Blessings under the Chuppah

Blessings under the Chuppah by Rebbecca Kowalsky http://www.imagesthoughtime.com

Perhaps for the Rabbi in the Talmud, he believed that too much joy can lead to behavior that would trivialize the meaning of marriage. Maybe he wanted to remind people that getting married is a serious step, not just an immediate pleasure. The bride and groom  are hopefully, blissfully, wrapped up in each other and naturally so. But, Judaism is a religion of community too and much of it’s traditions are there to encourage and create close community. The institution of marriage and the building of a home and family isn’t an isolated private matter rather it is a unit that forms a part of a larger whole; the Jewish people.

The Jewish community began thousands of years ago and was at the height of it’s glory when Solomon built his Temple. The smashing of the glass under the chuppa hearkens back to this period to remind us that, as a community we have not yet reached this prominent status of old. It is something we as a people must strive for and not be satisfied until it is reached. The joy at the union and love of bride and groom needs to act as an impetus to all gathered to remind them to work towards the unification and love of the entire community. So we raise a glass and drink to the happy couple, and we smash a glass and long for the future happiness of the entire Jewish nation…

Breaking the glass at the Chuppah

Breaking the glass by Rebbecca Kowalsky http://imagesthoughtime.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

To Speak or not to Speak: A Wedding Question

Speeches at a wedding can be a source of entertainment and enjoyment, or they can be a source of sedation that puts your guests to sleep. Everyone wants their wedding to be a memorable occasion but not because their wedding holds the record for the most people in dinner jackets simultaneously snoring.

Boring wedding speech

Boring wedding speech

There are loads of issues that need to be resolved when planning a wedding, for example finding the caterer, venue, band and photographer just to name a few. So how does one decide on “who’s speaking, when, how much and why” when planning for the big day? Discourse or main course, what’s it going to be?

Here are a few tips that you might find useful when making your decision:

  • Think about your guests. Are they the type of crowd who would appreciate listening to someone share memories of the bride and/ or groom as they negotiated the thrills and chills of embarrassing adolescent moments? Would your guests be mesmerized by an academic discourse on Jewish nuptials from the time of Moses up until the creation of the State of Israel? It’s fine to have speakers at your wedding but make sure the address matches the audience.
  • Think about your timing. There is nothing worse then throwing a spanner into a finely tuned wedding schedule in the form of a drawn out long winded lecture. If you have a day planned with lots of time available for including speeches then do so, just make sure you make it clear to the speakers how much time they have. Be very clear. Try and give each one an exact time slot as a simple straightforward boundary.
    Wedding speeches

    Bride and groom enjoy wedding speeches

  • Choose your speakers cleverly. Now is not the time to give Uncle Bernie, a frustrated lapsed vaudeville wannabe, the spotlight. It’s not appropriate to ask your third cousin once removed, who has little connection to the bride and groom, to say a few words just because he is a famous astronaut.  Instead, think of someone who can enhance your celebration because they care about the bride and groom and the family. Opt for someone who will make a meaningful impression rather then someone who wants to be a sensation.
  • Finally, if you decide to include speeches be serious about it. People spend months choosing menus, playlists and various shades of pink roses all with the well meaning intention of creating the perfect occasion. Don’t get trapped in the smaller details and neglect giving thought to what could be the most important aspect of your day; the speeches. A well delivered, personal, touching speech that your guests enjoy and are moved by, can be the outstanding feature of your wedding that makes it special, memorable and magical.

Wedding Speeches

Mazal tov on your fabulous wedding speech!

So Mazal Tov and Happy Homilies!!!!!

“It’s MY wedding!” The bride, groom and their parents plan a wedding.

Mother of the brideMother and father of the bride – in years gone by.

Years ago, the father of the bride ‘gave his daughter away’ and sent her off into the world with her new husband who was going to become the new protector and provider.   The mother of the bride took responsibility for organizing the celebration and gave her daughter an appropriate ‘send off’. The bride’s mother probably imagined the sort of wedding she would arrange for her daughter from the moment her daughter was born. She would find the venue, caterer, printer and all the other necessary professionals to create her dream vision and she would take control of planning the event. The father often came along to sign the checks.

The times – they have a-changed…

Nowadays, with traditions and relationships changing, these old traditions are often discarded.  Brides mostly have their own vision of how they want their weddings to be and they plan it themselves. Grooms also tend to take an active role in organizing the day, and together with the bride he drives around finding suitable venues, tasting various dishes and deciding upon the exact print that will appear on the wedding invitation.

One of the reasons for the change is that people are getting married at a later age than they used to. Society has changed so much over the last fifty years with men and women living together and having children without officially getting married. Often when a couple decide to get married they are already leading independent lives, are financially independent and have been living away from their parents homes for years.

Jewish bride and groom

Jewish bride and groom

Working together to create the perfect – and harmonious – wedding

Nevertheless, parents want to participate in their children’s big day and play a part. But then the great balancing act begins, between different visions, expectations and limitations.  There are no hard and fast rules in most societies about how to balance and contain the different needs; however, some communities follow unspoken norms in order to avoid disagreement.

The best solution is for all involved to sit together before the action begins and put forward their ideas, needs and limitations, and to divide up responsibilities between bride and bride’s parents and groom and grooms parents.  Working it out beforehand and being clear what to expect from each other and more importantly what not to expect will most definitely help avoid any later misunderstandings and sticky situations. If an agreement is worked out from the beginning everyone will know where they stand and then be able to happily, excitedly and lovingly plan for the big day ahead and share in the happiness of the new couple.

Do you have any more ideas to help plan a harmonious wedding involving bride, groom and their parents?  or do you have success – or nightmare- stories to share? Please tell us in the comment box below!

 

Planning a wedding? Now’s the time for Jewish life consulting!

Jewish Life Consulting

Helping you define your Jewish life

Your personal guide for a life cycle event – JLife Consulting

When I was planning my wedding a few years back, even though I was pretty Jewishly literate, I realized how much there was to learn about the myriad of rituals that surrounded the ceremony.  What are the sheva brachot (7 blessings) really about and how can they hold modern meaning for me today?  And what about all of those rituals, before and after the wedding?  I had heard some people compare the wedding day to Yom Kippur, but what could that connection be? While our childhood rabbis who officiated at our wedding would be an obvious resource to turn to, they didn’t live close by and our meetings with them were few in number.

I realized that if these questions were not easy for me to answer, then they most certainly wouldn’t be easy for the majority of folks getting married today, especially unaffiliated Jews living in New York.  And if that’s true for weddings, then it’s probably also true for parents planning baby naming ceremonies for girls, bris’ for boys and bnai mitzvah celebrations too (not to mention the more obscure ceremonies like a pidyon haben.)

Life cycle events are peak moments in peoples’ lives.  We all pour so much time, energy and money into planning them.  Just as the life cycle industry has party planners and florists and a whole host of other vendors to help guide every decision couples and families make related to the party, those planning Jewish life cycle ceremonies need their own guides too to help them with the most important part of their celebrations – the ceremony itself.

I created JLife Consulting, three years ago to meet this need.  With a background in Jewish education, and over 15 years of experience working with young adults, couples and families to make Jewish life meaningful for them, I offer private consultations in New York City for individuals, couples and families to help them learn about and plan their Jewish life cycle ceremonies. For those who don’t have officiants for their simchas we refer them to those as well.

Through JLife consulting we hope to connect individuals, couples and families to Jewish wisdom and practice in a way that is relevant to them, helps them create a ceremony that reflects their values and life and celebrate their Jewish life cycle event in a way that is meaningful, engaging and fun.

To find out more check out www.jlifeconsulting.com

Dasee Berkowitz

Jewish Life Cycle Consultant

Chelsea Clinton’s Jewish wedding- ten facts you didn’t know!

It’s hard to miss the news that Chelsea Clinton and her new husband Marc Mezvinsky were wed this Saturday in Rhinebeck, and the media has also informed us that the wedding included a number of elements from a Jewish Wedding.  Yet, to date no one has explained to us what is the significance and meaning of the Jewish traditions at a Jewish Wedding.   Read on to discover what the Jewish elements at Chelsea and Marc’s wedding were and how it represents the value of marriage in Jewish life.

1. Huppah/Chupa- Chelsea and Marc sealed their commitment under a traditional Jewish wedding canopy, called a Huppah.  This canopy is a kind of “portable roof structure” under which the Jewish wedding ceremony takes place and it symbolizes the Jewish home that the couple will build together. According to tradition the Huppah is open on all sides, in order to symbolize the value of hospitality which was exemplified by the open tent of the Biblical couple Abraham and Sarah.

2. Rabbi – Rabbi Jim Ponet co- officiated at the interfaith wedding.  The presence of a Rabbi represents the chain of continuity of Jewish life, tradition and leadership; it represents intentionality and commitment in the couple’s spiritual life.

3. Seven Blessings  – In Jewish tradition, the couple chooses relatives, friends or mentors to recite the traditional seven blessings over a cup of wine during the wedding Huppah ceremony.  These blessings are beautifully poetic and replete with ancient imagery.  The theme of the seven blessings of  a Jewish wedding is love and joy, and the celebration of the Creation of the Universe along with the creation of man and women and their coming together in love. Click here for the text of the seven Blessings

4. Wine – Wine represents happiness, and both the bride and groom drink some wine to represent their joy and to seal the seven blessings.  Wine has a quality that can bring out the best or the worst of a person, and it represents the Jewish value of celebrating life and partaking of its finer qualities, while rejecting the less refined qualities.

5. Wine glass – As of time of publishing, we do not know whether a glass was broken under Chelsea and Marc’s Huppah, however according to Jewish tradition, at the end of the Huppah Ceremony the groom stamps on and shatters a glass cup, in order to symbolize that at the most joyous moment in our life, we remember the shattering and destruction of the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem 2000 years ago.

6. Talit – Marc adorned himself if the traditional Jewish prayer shawl called a Talit at the Jewish wedding ceremony. The prayer shawl has woven fringes which are based upon the Biblical commandment to wear a four cornered garment with woven fringes (called tzitzit in Hebrew).  The prayer shawl and tzitzit are meant to serve as physical reminders that God is all around us, and according to Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof it is a tradition which represents our constant devotion to God”.

7. Yarmulke – Marc also wore a yarmulke during the Jewish wedding ceremony.  The yarmulke, a Jewish skull cap, represents an acknowledgment of God’s presence above.

8. Ring – We haven’t seen Chelsea’s wedding ring up close, but traditionally the Jewish wedding ring is simple, made of a plain material without marks, etchings or ornamentation (e.g. stones). This is to express the hope that the marriage will resemble the ring in its wholeness, simplicity and value.

9 .Ketubah – Chelsea and Marc’s ketubah is the Jewish legal document, which outlines rights and responsibilities in the framework of a Jewish marriage.  It is read out loud, and given to the bride to keep. It is often written amidst beautiful artwork, and after the wedding it is often framed and displayed in the home.

10. Happiness! Chelsea and Marc chose the Jewish wedding traditions that symbolize their values and their hopes for their life together.  However, their family and guests, perhaps unknowingly, partook in a very important Jewish tradition: enhancing the happiness of the Jewish groom and bride.  According to Jewish tradition a person who attends a Jewish wedding should do whatever s/he possibly can to make the bride and groom happy, and one sees this often when the perfectly crafted speech brings a smile, laugh or even a tear of happiness to the twinkling eyes of the bride and groom. The Clinton Family’s speechwriters must have produced the perfect words to convey love, goodwill and best wishes!

So Mazal Tov to Chelsea and Marc, they have chosen some beautiful traditions from a Jewish wedding for their wedding ceremony, and we bless them that they have a spiritual and meaningful life together.

The Very Best Sheva Brachot Theme Ideas

If you’re hosting Sheva Brachot you want to make the evening memorable and fun – especially for the bride and groom.  These days

Western Theme Sehva Brachot Invitations

Western Theme Sheva Brachot Invitations from http://www.w-weddinginvitations.com/

Country themes

“Countries” are good themes – you can do Chinese, Italian, Mexican, Israeli, American, Hawaiin – you can serve food connected to that country, decorate tables with flag colors.  If you want an informal and fun atmosphere guests can make their own felafels/taco’s etc!  If you can’t decide what country to choose you can do an international theme – with a variety of tastes and colors!

Highlighted: Chinese theme

Menu: Chinese Corn Soup, Egg Rolls and Dumplings, Fried Rice, Moo Shoo Chicken, and fortune cookies for dessert.

Deco and extras: Red, black and gold color scheme and some Chinese lanterns and chopsticks.

Connect the Sheva Brachot to an important date

If the Sheva Brachot is on or near an important date, then you can use that date as a theme – birthday theme, Superbowl, elections, festival like Chanukah or Purim etc.

Highlighted: Birthday theme

Menu: Desert can include birthday cake, jelly and ice cream.

Deco and extras: Birthday balloons, birthday banners, bride and groom wear party hats.

Couple- specific Sheva Brachot

You can connect the theme to the couple – a favorite TV program or movie, hobby or pastime, their work (medical theme, numbers theme, school theme), where they met etc.

Highlighted: Medical theme

Menu: Desert can include pudding,  jelly and ice cream.

Deco and extras: Guests can receive a hospital bracelet with their table number on it,  pillboxes filled with candies can decorate the tables. Hosts can wear scrubs. Menu can be on clipboards.

Color Code Sheva Brachot

Colors and color combinations can be a nice theme – stark colors like “black and white” will lend a feeling of elegance.

And some more fun Sheva Brachot themes:

  • Smiley
  • Facebook
  • Star Wars
  • Persia
  • Bedoin
  • Safari
  • Outer space
  • Summer
  • Beach
  • Western
  • The Royal Wedding
  • BBQ Sheva Brachot
  • “Picnic”style
  • Fairy tales
  • Children’s stories
  • College
  • Garden Party

What is your favorite Sheva brachot theme?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Shtick”: a best friend’s guide to weddings!

Wedding Shtick from weddingshtick.comOn your best friend’s big day, you want to show him/her how much you care, how happy you are, and you also want to play a huge role in making wedding really really special.

When I got married, the caterers made a huge mistake, and arranged the tables so that the all our guests were sitting opposite from where we had placed them. That means that the old people – who we placed away from the speakers – were placed virtually on top of the speakers, and the band, camera and video crew – who we had placed on the edge of the seating plan were right next to the main table. Do you think I was aware of this?  NO, in fact, I only found out about this about 6 years later, when it came up in conversation. Why? Because my best friend Rachel, rushed around with the original lists, racing the guests to the tables, to fix the situation as quickly as possible.  No one knew- and it was an incredibly well guarded secret for a long long time!

Of course if you are invited to speak at the wedding then “the best friends’ speech” is a great opportunity to reminisce, laugh, and also touch your best friend and their new partner’s heart with some meaningful and heartfelt words.

But perhaps the most fun thing about being a best friend (or even a very good friend) at a Jewish wedding is what is called in some circles – the shtick!  “Shtick” refers to the fun extras that you bring a long to the wedding to use in the dancing, to enhance the enjoyment of the chatan and kallah.

Here is a list of 20 shtick ideas that you can use at your friends wedding. Remember to think about the “shtick” and prepare in advance, as you may need to purchase, collect or get together with friends and practise ahead of time.

1.    Balloons stuffed with confetti to throw around, and a pin or toothpick to help the bride/groom pop them
2.    Pint T-shirts, caps or bandanna’s  with inside joke/fave saying of bride and groom
3.    Dress up in the “hobby” of bride/groom- like their sports team, or any sort of activity
4.    Bring whistles, playing with tambourines, bells or other musical instruments to use during the dancing
5.    Bring bubbles for people to blow to create a fun atmosphere
6.    Come in wearing wigs, glasses or funny hats
7.    Wave flags of the country where come from (if getting married in foreign country)
8.    Using napkins from the tables, make a skipping rope for the bride and groom to jump together
9.    Prepare an umbrella with long ribbons attached to it. Help the bride on to a chair and let her hold it while her friends grab a ribbon and dance around her – like a maypole
10.    Prepare a skit, a short play, a dance or a song for entertainment
11.    Bring sparklers and dance around the bride and groom with them
12.    Prepare a “just married sign” for the end of wedding
13.    When the couple comes into the wedding hall, stand in pairs and make a tunnel of arches for them to come through together
14.    Bring blow up animals, characters or balls which you can dance with or throw around
15.    Help the Bride and Groom on to a table, and lift them up together.
16.    Bring your juggling things, magic tricks or fire swallowing routine
17.    The Third Leg Dance- Make a stuffed fake leg from a pair of old pants, attach a sock and shoe, attach it to yourself with some pins, wear an overcoat and dance for the bride and groom. You can add more leges but be sure to practice!
18.    Hire an outrageous costume like a gorilla or something like that, no one will know who you are
19.    Encourage a group of friends to bring roller blades for the dancing
20.    Bring glow sticks to dance with and turn down the lights

Enjoy and Mazal Tov (and thanks to Carmi Kaplinski who is a real expert on Shtick and provided us with most of these ideas!)

Planning a party in Israel – is it feasible?

Minor life-cycle celebrations are usually held at home. When it comes to more significant events, such as Bar or Bat Mitzvahs, weddings and golden anniversaries many Jews throughout America choose to celebrate in Israel. Their major desire is to achieve a personally meaningful experience, and also to support Israel, to cut down their guest list, to avoid social pressures and to minimize costs.

Here are some points to consider when planning your affair in Israel:

 

  • Think about your priorities when choosing your venue. Are you most interested in the religious/historical/spiritual significance or are you looking for a spectacular view or a particular ambiance?
  • Consider the weather and plan accordingly. A daytime outdoor affair in the summer can be very hot and uncomfortable. On the other hand, while Israel is known for its mild winters there is a definite rainy season which can be unpredictable so a contingency plan for an outdoor winter event is necessary.
  • Be aware of bureaucratic requirements. For a marriage to be officially recognized, it must be registered with the Rabbinate. This requires submitting various affidavit-type documents attesting to both parties’ marital status and Judaism some time before the wedding.
  • Familiarize yourself with the ceremony in question. Whether you are celebrating a Bar/Bat Mitzvah or a wedding, there is a range of customs which can be included in or excluded from the ceremony. Certain things which you may take for granted may not be regarded in the same way in Israel. Be sure to discuss all aspects of your ceremony with the presiding Rabbi.
  • Inquire about the method of payment and the currency requested. Each of your service providers may have different requirements. Most are willing to receive payment in either shekels or dollars but many do not take foreign credit cards. Some are hesitant to accept personal dollar checks. Asking will enable you to come prepared.

For a Bar or Bat Mitzvah celebration in Israel one may choose to have a prayer service in which the child is called to the Torah. While the rules at the Western Wall permit a service of this kind only for boys, there are other options for girls as well as for boys. The service can then be followed by a short tour and a festive meal.

Marriages in Israel are a religious affair and are performed according to the Orthodox Halacha. There are numerous banquet halls and gardens available for a wedding. Some people choose to conduct their ceremony in one setting and continue the affair in another place.

While it is not absolutely impossible to plan and arrange a party long- distance, there are instances in which personal presence can make the difference between an “okay” choice and an optimal one. Hiring a party planner can be the ideal solution. Choosing one who is flexible enough to allow you to determine your degree of involvement in decision making and choices will enable you to feel that this is truly your own affair.

Written by Adina Buchs, proprietor of “B’Rosh Shaket” party and event planning.

Israel Party Planner
www.broshaket.com
adina@broshaket.com
972-52-3803048

Explaining the Ketuba:contract and blessing

 

Jewish wedding from Jlifeconsulting.com

Jewish wedding from Jlifeconsulting.com

While the number of rituals for a Jewish wedding may seem countless, there are two that are essential – the erusin ceremony (in which the rings are exchanged) and the nesuin ceremony (in which the seven blessings are recited).  The first ceremony, constructed of nine simple Hebrew words, Harei at mkudeshet li b’taba’at zo, kdat moshe v’yisrael, translated as, “Behold, be consecrated to me according to the laws of Moses and Israel”, coupled with acceptance of a ring comprises the act of marriage itself in which there is a transition, from being two single people to a married couple.  Right after this ceremony (or after a pause for the Rabbi’s speech or reading the ketubah) is the second ceremony in which the seven blessings are recited.

 

While the erusin ceremony is a quick contractual ceremony in which two people are agreeing to be “set apart” for each other to the exclusivity of everybody else (which is put into effect by accepting the ring) the second part of the ceremony, the recitation of the blessings, is a bit more lofty by nature and reflects how this couple’s marriage exists within the grand narrative, between the Creation of the world’s first couple and Redemption, when the sounds of joy and gladness return to the streets of Zion and Jerusalem.

If the erusin ceremony is about contract, the nesuin ceremony is about blessing.  Blessing, in Hebrew, berakha, can be played with to mean “b’rakh” or “in softness” (the word “berakh” is knee in Hebrew is the soft/flexible/ ‘bending’ part of one’s body.)

The essence of marriage is tied in with these two short ceremonies.  Whereas on the one hand, marriage is about a contract in which there is an expectation that decisions will be made and upheld.  On the other hand, marriage is also about blessing, which contains within it the grander narrative of our lives, and the ‘softer’ side of our relationships including compassion and compromise, patience and joy.  Both sides – contract and blessing – are critical to a Jewish notion of marriage.

Article courtesy of Dasee Berkowitz, Jewish Life Cycle Consultant
To find out more check out www.jlifeconsulting.com